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where do your loyalties lie

Begging Question: As A Married Man, Where Do Your Loyalties Lie?

When you get married, you become your own family unit. It’s you and your spouse (and child(ren) now).

Last week, the internet went crazy with the story of the Duke and Duchess of Sussex, and their revelations about the royal family. While some people applauded the Duke for putting his nuclear family first, some others were of the opinion that he should not have left his extended family for the nuclear family.

This isn’t like a sports team, restaurant, or even your favourite radio/TV station where one poor customer service experience ticks you off. This is a family you’ve known all your life, and the family you have decided to build with – someone you love, and hope to spend the rest of your life with.

Your partner is very important, and so are your blood relatives. So, if you had to choose, who would it be? What happens when it’s your family conflicting with your spouse, and you’re caught in the middle – considering how much you love everyone involved?

This week, I didn’t send out questions to individuals because I’d like for everyone to share their thoughts here. So, as a married man, where do your loyalties lie? With your Nuclear family or with your extended family?

Please share your thoughts with us in the comments.

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See also: A more equal future: How can men help promote gender equality?

Phateemah A

Hey Hey! I'm Phateemah and I love DIYs. Hacks, Beauty & Lifestyle and the occasional random life advice! I hope you enjoy my articles........

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15 thoughts on “Begging Question: As A Married Man, Where Do Your Loyalties Lie?”

    1. My Loyalty lies with the both, the family I came from and the one I created. It’s important I put my spouse and kids first but more imperatively keep a cordial relationship between the two parties with God’s help

  1. My family is first we much as my spouse is first. But I will never my family members intimidate my spouse, it’s either they respect her as my wife or I put them in their place.

    1. Jedidiah Sodeinde

      Well I think this calls for wisdom. Obviously, the man’s loyalty is with his nuclear family. However in Africa, there is such a thing as Extended family ties. This shows the level and extent of bond and union in the african blood that many times the wife to be is coming into the man’s extended family (this is seen in her also getting his family name). This implies that the man has to be very careful and thoughtful with his decisions. He has a family to build and a family he has always been with.

  2. Well, I can only speak for myself. In my opinion, the day I choose a woman to spend the rest of “my” life with and she chooses to spend the rest of “her” life with me, that day she becomes my top most priority and I expect to be her top priority. I love my parents and siblings, but my nuclear family comes first. I don’t even think its a thing of loyalty. I think its just about placing priorities and defining the scale of preference between the two (Nuclear and Extended Families).

  3. I’m not a Married man though but I think a Mans’ Loyalty Should be with his Nuclear Family. The Bible Says a Man Shall Leave his Father and Mother and Shall Cleave to his wife and they shall become one. I think that is self explanatory. Having extended family members is Great and Fun! But for a man to leave him extended family to start his own nuclear family, I mean, it’s only fair to his wife and kids that he stands for them!

  4. My husband’s loyalty should be with me, and the children first. This is not to say that the extended family doesn’t have their place.
    I think it’s not a competition. There is the place of a mother and a place of the wife.

  5. Ifunanya Mbakogu

    If I can leave my family, trusting that you would be with me and our child, you shouldn’t have to choose. You can love your first family, but as your immediate family, we should be your first choice. Besides, your father chose you over his first family.

  6. Chima Umeh-Saboyo

    When I get married, my loyalty lies with my wife and kids. I’ll choose them first if it ever gets to such a point.

    However, I believe a smart man will be able to manage his relationships such that nobody has to feel that they’re being neglected. It’s a recipe for disaster if a man’s wife or his siblings/family are feeling like they’re being kicked to the curb.

    Then in the most extreme of cases, cases where I need loyalty, whoever comes through for me is who I’ll stand with after that ordeal is done.

  7. Thinking about my death lately make me depressed and I my self don’t even know what will kill me in person ….everything as a reason ,we are born for wonders and things we see around kills us easily 🤐

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