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hate wrinkles

Why singles hate wrinkles: On aging

Asides from dying broke, another silent fear people have is dying single. I remember being asked what my greatest fear was and my answer was “I want money on time so I don’t hate wrinkles in the end.”

Questions like this don’t usually cross your mind until you are asked. For me, I’m always taken aback – either because I didn’t think about it again after giving you my answer the last time, or my answer has changed – I must have outgrown that fear, or I have found a new reason to worry.

I always wonder why people choose to ask questions like; what is your best food? What is your best colour? What is your worst fruit? Who is your best friend? The answers to these questions change. I must have loved Spinach soup but I love Pumpkin leave soup now.

I must have loved blue but I wore yellow yesterday and I think I love it more now. Change is constant in every human. I must have hated mangoes yesterday but I love it now.

Singles hate wrinkles

However, as these answers change, the knowledge and fear that a person will grow old soon remain real. It is even worse when they are single and approaching the wrinkle age.

Surely, old age is beautiful and you should embrace it because it depicts knowledge and experience but when you are single and old, it is a different ball game. There is no embracing there. You just want to use all the anti-aging creams and body fitness applications because you want to hide being old or approaching that age.

There are many reasons why singles hate wrinkles.

There is this obvious truth that they will be dying soon no matter how many years they have left. This makes them time conscious. Except you are rich and famous, birthdays are like reminders of this fact and as you age, the need to celebrate birthdays begins to fade. If I compare the excitement Mary, 35, celebrated her birthday last Saturday to the way she celebrated it when she turned 25 ten years ago, humour grips me.

Humans become conscious when they get older that birthdays are only reminders that they are approaching the wrinkle age. “I hate wrinkles!” Charlotte tells me when I visited her Salon by November. “I am just 34. Why are they coming in so early?” I wished I had an answer for that but sadly, I didn’t. I just smiled and sat there in silence so she could style my hair beautifully instead of trying to annoy her with my vague answers.

When I say singles hate wrinkles, I do mean ladies alone.

“You women think you’re the only ones who are scared of dying single. I am 45 and I don’t have even have a stable girlfriend,”

“You women think you’re the only ones who are scared of dying single. I am 45 and I don’t have even have a stable girlfriend,” Paul informs me flirtatiously. He is a “nice guy” but I don’t think I’m that desperate to be with a womanizer. I don’t think there’s anything that stops a man who has been like this from being promiscuous when he gets married.

“We had been dating for 6 years and she just decided to leave me for him because she has not gotten over him yet,” Richie laments. That was a sad one. We were all waiting to gather at their wedding ceremony by May. How do you get to the 6th year? I need to take my notes along anytime I visit people in long term relationships.

My dad throws the curiosity glance at me anytime I leave to visit a friend. I can just hear him silently hoping praying it’s a man. I thought we agreed that I wasn’t getting boyfriends. Parents should state their rules precisely most times. It’s just so unfair. Now, my dad is hating wrinkles on my behalf. “Your daughter should be giving us little Aimee’s by now,” I heard him telling my mum just before I shut the door on my way out to Brees three weeks ago.

Sometimes, being single is taken as the ladies’ fault and the men get extra years in society before starting to hate wrinkles. This seems to create an imbalance but I’m happy we all die in the end. If there is one thing that doesn’t consider gender, it’s old age.

See also: My wife’s boss steals from me

Ifunanya Mbakogu

Ifunanya Mbakogu is a professional editor and proofreader with a bachelor's degree in English and Literature from the University of Benin. Drawing from a solid level of interpersonal and analytic skills, she is able to present societal issues and matters arising in engaging ways. She is an Editor at Talku Talku.

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