Close this search box.

Why my ex remains in my thoughts

The good thing about bad relationships is that they leave you with good lessons from bad experiences. What about good relationships? Some relationships had to go for other reasons apart from the relationship being toxic. Cases like distance, irreconcilable differences, medical conditions, and other pressing matters could bring a relationship to an end.

Why is my ex still in my thoughts?

The bad thing about good relationships or relationships is that they leave you with unforgettable memories. I have had my fair share of good and bad relationships. Other people could have had worse, and one thing remains constant – they all leave memories behind.

These memories, whether good or bad, are the connections we have with them. The irony is that when the memories are not good, it’s easy for us to let go of the attraction we feel towards exes, but when they are good, it becomes difficult for us to let them go in our heads.

This is what makes exes hard to let go. If I have been in a good relationship, and our breakup was as a result of distance, it is very likely that I get back with him when we find ourselves in the same place, and it gets more complicated when I’m in a new relationship. If I choose not to go back to him, then, my new relationship must be way better.

If I had lost a relationship based on a medical condition, and I find myself in the same environment as my ex, it would take a whole lot of self-control not to cheat on my present partner. Medical conditions don’t automatically overrule physical or emotional attraction. Either of us has to leave that environment.

Irreconcilable differences are not objective to emotional attachments. It doesn’t stop you from being jealous when you see him with someone else. It does not stop you from fantasizing about the sweet memories you’ve had. It doesn’t stop you from wanting to know how “he” is living without you.

I have come to know that people tend to prefer their exes dating people of lesser status than them. The higher the stakes, the more jealous exes are. Instead of think about how better your replacement is, I’d suggest you focus more on revamping yourself.

On the other hand, there are cases whereby relationships have been really toxic, and you find yourself thinking of your exes so much that you end up losing your present and future relationships. Some of these cases are physical abuse, verbal abuse, mental abuse, emotional trauma, and the likes.

These cases are better solved by professionals. It is better to speak to someone who can listen, understand, and proffer solutions. Most times, I advise that you leave the relationship when you start seeing signs before they get too deep.

I had a friend who had a very toxic relationship. Her boyfriend kept making her feel worthless. He would make derogatory remarks about her in front of people, and she would cry and remain with him.

“I love him, and it doesn’t matter what he says. That’s how he is, but I know that he loves me,” she would explain, and the abuse continued. She broke down one day and was rushed to the school’s health centre.

He had asked her to wash and iron his clothes only for her to see him with the same clothes proposing to a girl at the Cinema. When she confronted him, he told that her she was supposed to have known that he was not going to marry her in the first place, knowing that she was not good enough. I felt bad for her, but I couldn’t help her. She had bottled it up, and it got worse.

Toxic relationships do the worst. They make you unforgiving and leave you mentally stressed. They are best solved with professional help. It’s the same with all other negative instances.

Getting my ex off my mind depends on how good or bad the relationship was. The best thing for me to do should be to focus on my well-being. My ex can remain in my thoughts, but it shouldn’t be for all the wrong reasons. Creating a balance is what I would advise in order to avoid heartaches.

I am considering making it be our next topic. How do we create that balance?

See also: Self-love should be a compulsory skill

Ifunanya Mbakogu

Ifunanya Mbakogu is a professional editor and proofreader with a bachelor's degree in English and Literature from the University of Benin. Drawing from a solid level of interpersonal and analytic skills, she is able to present societal issues and matters arising in engaging ways. She is an Editor at Talku Talku.

Application Received

Thank you for your interest in The Big Showcase! Our team will review your application and get back to you soon.

Your Swipe File is Here!

Your custom-made template to organise all of your creative insights and inspirations to make your ideation process more effective.