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On Celibacy

On Celibacy. Nancy doesn’t want her groove back.

“I am not a virgin!”
Nancy Griffin is a 30-year-old spinster who has been in and out of relationships for over 10 years. All of a sudden, 3 years ago, Nancy clicks on a pause in her sexual life. This costs her the relationship she was in at the time and till she gets married, Nancy takes a strong hold on celibacy.

Back to the scene;

“I am not a Virgin!” Nancy screamed when James demands frustrated at her refusal. “I just don’t want to have sex again till I finally walk down the aisle. Is that too much to ask?” she asked getting irritated.

“Who has sex and says she doesn’t want it again. Sex is so sweet. I can’t date a girl who won’t have sex with me especially since she is already sexually active. Except you want to give it all to someone else.”

“Give it all? Is sex all there is to a relationship? What happened to love and sharing moments?” She asked upset.

“Please, save all that. I am not a child and I am not a pastor either. If you’ve had sex, there is no way I would date you and not have you till we get married. That’s just self-deception!” he retorted.

“Then, we have nothing else to talk about. Please, leave my room and don’t come back!” She exclaimed with words as broken as her heart. She hears a mocking sigh from him and the slam of her door came next.

“Why is it so difficult for them to understand?” she asks as she sinks into her chair sobbing. “I don’t want to keep doing the same thing all over again. I have had several sexual relationships and they have led me nowhere.” She explains to her picture frame on the wall.

“No! I can’t get frustrated. I have decided to do this and I won’t back down. I will find someone who will understand me one day.”

Pondering on celibacy, I find out that it is one of the most underrated decisions people have taken. Choosing to abstain after being sexually active is a very difficult decision but people refuse to respect them.

The idea of this excerpt is a seeming contrast to “How Stella Got Her Groove Back” by Terry McMillan. Good sex life was all Stella needed to rejuvenate herself – which is a good thing if you follow the movie.

“Nancy doesn’t want her groove back” shows Nancy saying what she needs is to place a hold on her sex life to understand where her relationship will lead her as she is not getting any younger. Nancy relies on celibacy as opposed to Stella.

Not all singles are celibate and not all lovers are sexually active. Please, read that again. The general perception of a relationship is still emphasized here and it has created a rift in Nancy’s romantic life.

The idea that one person has a right to a person’s body because they share a relationship should be addressed. That way, rape and physical abuse will be reduced.

His body doesn’t belong to you until there is a marital claim and even in marriage, there are restrictions. It is a fundamental human right to not want another person’s hands on you.

At the rate at which this is treated, exchange rate is the next level for relationships. This is why a girl will have monetary expectations because she has shared her lover’s bed. Relationships are so expensive to manage these days.

You find people in relationships where they are used as sex slaves and this is not one-sided – it is for ladies and men alike.

Why is Nancy alone in this?

“Why is she in a relationship if she doesn’t want to have sex?” John asks sarcastically when I asked this question at our reunion. “Why is any guy in a relationship if he doesn’t have money?” Kemi asks John.

“Is money all there is to a relationship?” Realising what he had asked was the same thing Nancy asked, he laughs. We all laughed too understanding the irony.

Like John, people refuse to accept the other party’s side until the table is turned. People like Nancy should not have to hide their decisions. If you can’t deal with it, let her be.
Sex is first by choice before anything else.

Now, let us hear from you. What is your take on celibacy? Would you date a person who has decided to be celibate?
Drop your comments below.

Ifunanya Mbakogu

Ifunanya Mbakogu is a professional editor and proofreader with a bachelor's degree in English and Literature from the University of Benin. Drawing from a solid level of interpersonal and analytic skills, she is able to present societal issues and matters arising in engaging ways. She is an Editor at Talku Talku.

2 thoughts on “On Celibacy. Nancy doesn’t want her groove back.”

  1. Damilola Ogundare

    In this time and age. People just follow you the way you are, just to start a relationship with you or get married to you., na when you enter finish, you will get to know who they really are.

    Actions speak louder than words.

  2. Damilola Ogundare

    In this time and age. People just follow you the way you are, just to start a relationship with you or get married to you., na when you enter finish, you will get to know who they really are.

    Actions speak louder than words.

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